Jean sneered a little, lit a cigarette and began making eyes atthe young bloke who was at the coffee machine. 'You seem to belooking over there all the time,' she said, nodding in thedirection of the coffee machine. 'Can't blame you though, he istasty.'I watched the young man and realised there was no way I couldever be as attractive as he. Jean nodded and walked over,leaning on the coffee machine to talk to him, leaving me aloneat the table.No wonder people consider suicide after dating.The heating was off and I laid my coat over the bed to give mea little extra warmth before slipping in. The sheets were coldand a bit clammy and I tried to remember when I last washedthem, when did I go down to the laundrette?The telephone rang an hour later.'Hello?''Allan? Is that you?'"Mum? Are you alright?''Allan, Teddy's in trouble, they rang me to say he's vanished,gone!''Slow down, Mum,' I said, rubbing my eyes, 'what's happened toEdward?''He was on a tour in Europe and he's gone. The. We held our hug for a long time and she finally letme go and backed away."It was the wedding of my dreams also. You gave it to me and paid foralmost all of it since my parents were so cheap." She wiped away a tearfrom her cheek."You were beautiful that day and it was worth every penny." Thank you. A lot of times I don't understand all of this, thecrossdressing, the girly stuff, the sex with a man. What I dounderstand, is that you are a good person, and you held all that insideof you for so long, and you gave me so much while doing it."I interrupted. "You know I don't understand all it either. There aremany times I wish it would all go away but it never does. It may gethidden, buried, covered up but it is still there and then there is atrigger, or something happens, and it pours out becoming almost anobsession."She looked at me and her eyes indicated that I should continue, shewanted to hear more."Crossdressers talk about a thing called the Pink Fog. It is used todescribe.
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